America gets fatter (again)

Just when you thought you'd seen it all, you realize you'd forgotten the art of competitive eating. America is fat, obviously. I don't really want to rant all that much about it right now, but I just thought this story was worth pointing out.

Now, when I say this I have absolutely no intel to back it up with, but I'm pretty sure a sport that involves eating as much food as allowed by the laws of physics in an extremely constrained amount of time in competition with others is equally the most American and most disgusting sport conceived. Seriously people, what about those dying children in Africa? Sure, without them there would be no shiny white bricks to hold my massive MP3 collection which may or may not be completely legal, but we need to focus on the real issue here. Eating competitively is a step in the wrong direction for us fatties in the USA. I could see that if such an event were sponsored by McDonald's there would be some dark, twisted humor in there that I could poke a ridiculous amount of fun at but lets see, does McDonald's have chicken wings on their menu? Last time I checked, no. And if there were, trust me, there wouldn't be any bones for the kid to swallow. But like I said before, I'm not going to rant about "fat America". There are much more interesting things afoot.

So if you haven't already heard, I've got a jobbie, Freddie. Yes, Mr. "cut your hair, you hippie" has a job "working for the man". What can I say, I want an iPhone. It's what separates the men from the animals. No, not the job, the iPhone. And I don't give a crap if the phone is Cingular only. Let me think, when was the last time I had a cell phone? Three, maybe FOUR years ago? The point is, I won't know the difference between good and bad service. Ignorance is bliss, unless you don't have an iPhone, in which case you're a dummy (or smarter than me regarding cell carriers).

Don't get me wrong though, I have no intention of "working for the man" too long. Hopefully if all goes well, I can market myself as a "web developer/designer" and maybe fix iPods on the side to make money. It'll definitely be more than I'm making at CrapUSA, I'll tell you that much. Then in a year's time, I'll quit that frigtard job and move on to better, shinier, sleeker, and more single-buttoned things.

Now, in other news, you people may have heard rumblings that a movie based upon the smash hit television series "24" is fast approaching. I'm not sure about that, but my esteemed colleague Mr. Ventimiglia has just brought some amazing news to my attention. Aqua Teen Hunger Force, also known as the greatest cartoon on earth (and some other planets), will soon hit the big screen. Seriously folks, this is great news. "Aqua Teen Hunger Force colon Movie Film for Theaters" should be out sometime this April, and I can't wait. That thing down there is the trailer and I suggest you check it out.

Intense.